From Russia With Love.

Who in Russia is reading my blog?! I've had more traffic from there than the U.S. and Canada. And that is weird.

Anyway, I'm back in Canada, and I am happy to be here.

I've made a definite decision to move to Calgary when I get back from the UK in July. It's just right. I have absolutely no reason, bar family, to stay in Lloydminster and it is not the place for me.

I've thinking how my life has taken several unexpected turns over the last several years, and they have always turned out for the best. But, usually the turn will happen when I'm expecting something different and am, therefore, unprepared.

This time, I helped make the turn.

I fully accepted it, gave it a spot on the couch, a blanket and some hot chocolate. I think that's why I feel so weird right now. I'm not jumping in to a new phase in life, but I don't feel like I'm struggling to get on my feet either. It's really a strange feeling.

May be it has to do with getting older.

Speaking of which, it's my birthday on Monday.  I'll be 27. That's weird too.

Paradise.

I gave my blog a bit of a facelift... and I'll probably be doing more. I didn't like how ordinary it looked and made me want to treat it as if it were a really popular profit-making blog.

I think it's on its way.

I've been in Hawai'i for over a month now. Most people would think that would be amazing and that it must be the best thing ever.

Erm... not so much.

Let me be clear that I love Hawai'i. It's a beautiful place with amazing people and there is just such a wonderful spirit about it.

But it's not where I belong right now. I truly appreciate being here and I do love a lot of things about it, but, right now, I don't feel like this is the place for me. Not at this point in my life.

There are several factors that go in to it.

• I'm not a student nor do I have a work visa to be working full-time here.
• I thrive on structure and having a set schedule... this is not part of my life here and it makes me feels useless, uneasy and unmotivated.
• Although I am working on projects on the BYU-Hawai'i campus, I'm not going to be here long enough to get really immersed in them. Plus, all of the bureaucracy of a university has often puts a damper on my initial excitement of a project and it can be hard to get up again. 
• I don't do well in the sun.... I sunburn frequently and get quite crispy when I do. I don't enjoy being burnt. 
• I just plain feel like this is not it. Not where things will go forward. 

I have a little less than two weeks left here and the main project I was asked to stay for is very near its conclusion. I'm a bit sad to leave such a beautiful place and the people I've met here, but more excited to be able to move on to possibly figuring out more of what I'm doing with my life.

I have this inexplicable need to get back to Canada.  It's the strangest feeling that I'm not sure I've ever had.

Maybe there are answers there... But they'll have to wait for now.