WARNING: Venting Ahead

Reader Advisory: This blog post contains venting. A lot of venting. And perhaps a hint of whining. You have been forewarned.

I really don't like doing this but this is something that has been really bugging me. I have made mention in the past of the lack of dating that goes on in my life.

Even the one time I was in a "relationship" we didn't really date. We just, ugh, "hung-out."

I've gone on two actual dates in my entire life. And they were within a week of each other 2 years ago.

I don't date. It's not by choice. I would really love to date. But I never get asked out and I know exactly why: I'm fat.

I have been told on many occasions that I am really fun person to be around, I'm beautiful and that "there is absolutely no reason why [I] should not be dating."

This has lead me to the conclusion that the only reason I am not being asked out is because of my size. I am not the physical representation of what an LDS guy wants, so they don't even want to take the time to get to know me.

This, in turn, has lead me to believe that, for the most part, LDS guys are very superficial. I know many beautiful, talented, funny, amazing LDS women who are not married or even dating because they are not size 2 blondes.

This is hurtful. Weight is a struggle for me as well as many women. And guess what: Being ignored by men doesn't help.

I can't speak for every overweight single LDS woman out there, but, for me, being single feels like a completer piece is missing.

I love my self. I am happy with who I am and able to be comfortable with only myself as company. In fact, sometimes I prefer it. I struggle with my weight, but I'm not complacent with it. I'm trying to lose weight for health reasons, not to be happier with my appearance.

I am a progressive person. I'm always looking for the next goal/step in life. I want to continue to progress in my life and, I believe, there is only so far you can progress on your own.

In the last month, 7 good friends have gotten engaged. That's right, 7 within a four-week period.
And I'm not even going to lie, it hurts a bit.

The one thing in my life that I really want to do is be a wife and mother. I can't do that on my own. But, it's also something that I have no control over.

I want to get married, but I don't NEED to be married right this instant. Right now, I would just like to date. I don't want to become a bitter single LDS woman who is mad at the opposite sex because they don't take a second look at a heavy woman.

But it sure is hard to not think like that when that's all I know...