WARNING: Venting Ahead

Reader Advisory: This blog post contains venting. A lot of venting. And perhaps a hint of whining. You have been forewarned.

I really don't like doing this but this is something that has been really bugging me. I have made mention in the past of the lack of dating that goes on in my life.

Even the one time I was in a "relationship" we didn't really date. We just, ugh, "hung-out."

I've gone on two actual dates in my entire life. And they were within a week of each other 2 years ago.

I don't date. It's not by choice. I would really love to date. But I never get asked out and I know exactly why: I'm fat.

I have been told on many occasions that I am really fun person to be around, I'm beautiful and that "there is absolutely no reason why [I] should not be dating."

This has lead me to the conclusion that the only reason I am not being asked out is because of my size. I am not the physical representation of what an LDS guy wants, so they don't even want to take the time to get to know me.

This, in turn, has lead me to believe that, for the most part, LDS guys are very superficial. I know many beautiful, talented, funny, amazing LDS women who are not married or even dating because they are not size 2 blondes.

This is hurtful. Weight is a struggle for me as well as many women. And guess what: Being ignored by men doesn't help.

I can't speak for every overweight single LDS woman out there, but, for me, being single feels like a completer piece is missing.

I love my self. I am happy with who I am and able to be comfortable with only myself as company. In fact, sometimes I prefer it. I struggle with my weight, but I'm not complacent with it. I'm trying to lose weight for health reasons, not to be happier with my appearance.

I am a progressive person. I'm always looking for the next goal/step in life. I want to continue to progress in my life and, I believe, there is only so far you can progress on your own.

In the last month, 7 good friends have gotten engaged. That's right, 7 within a four-week period.
And I'm not even going to lie, it hurts a bit.

The one thing in my life that I really want to do is be a wife and mother. I can't do that on my own. But, it's also something that I have no control over.

I want to get married, but I don't NEED to be married right this instant. Right now, I would just like to date. I don't want to become a bitter single LDS woman who is mad at the opposite sex because they don't take a second look at a heavy woman.

But it sure is hard to not think like that when that's all I know...

When I'm 24...

Well, ladies and gentlemen. Today is my birthday.

Yep. It's true. Today I turn 24 years old.

I'm not sure why, but I feel like it's a bit of a land mark age. I'm far enough away from the teenage years to really be considered a legitimate adult, and yet still not old enough to rent a car.

Over the last few days I've been thinking about where I thought my life would be by the time I was 24. I'm pretty sure living in Orlando working at Disney World was not it.

Actually, it wasn't it. Here is where I thought I would be at 24:

Married with a couple of kids.

I thought life would go as follows:

Go to BYU-Idaho at 18. Get engaged and married shortly after. Finish my degree as a back up plan and raise my family.

That was it. I had no other thoughts about where I might be, no plans and no idea how different a course lay before me.

I had never dated in high school and my whole family told me it would be different once I went the Y of I. Don't deny it, people, I have letters to prove it.

It wasn't different and I actually only went on 2 dates the whole 5 years I was there.

But, all non-dating-ness aside, I have also been looking at where my life is by this age of 24:

I have attended and graduated from University.
I have a Bachelor's Degree.
I have lived in 3 different states.
I have visited at least 24 of the 50 states.
I lived in Las Vegas!
I have created an organizational system for a university department.
I have costumed a University stage production.
I have a consistent job at the Walt Disney World Resort.
I have made friends from literally all over the world.
I have seen 2 shuttle launches.
I have driven across the entire United States twice over.
I have been to Manhattan 3 times.
I have seen at least 8 Broadway shows.
I have walked through Central Park.
I have driven across the Hoover Dam.
I have been up the Statue of Liberty.
I have been to Ellis Island.
I have been to Ground Zero.
I have been to Houston.
I have been to the Alamo.
I have stood on the Yale campus.
I have been a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding.

I have had so many wonderful opportunities to explore and learn and grow.
I've done so many things that I never even imagined might have happened.

And the best part is, I have many more adventures coming in the foreseeable future.

24 is going to be a great year. Who knows what's in store?!