Paradise.

I gave my blog a bit of a facelift... and I'll probably be doing more. I didn't like how ordinary it looked and made me want to treat it as if it were a really popular profit-making blog.

I think it's on its way.

I've been in Hawai'i for over a month now. Most people would think that would be amazing and that it must be the best thing ever.

Erm... not so much.

Let me be clear that I love Hawai'i. It's a beautiful place with amazing people and there is just such a wonderful spirit about it.

But it's not where I belong right now. I truly appreciate being here and I do love a lot of things about it, but, right now, I don't feel like this is the place for me. Not at this point in my life.

There are several factors that go in to it.

• I'm not a student nor do I have a work visa to be working full-time here.
• I thrive on structure and having a set schedule... this is not part of my life here and it makes me feels useless, uneasy and unmotivated.
• Although I am working on projects on the BYU-Hawai'i campus, I'm not going to be here long enough to get really immersed in them. Plus, all of the bureaucracy of a university has often puts a damper on my initial excitement of a project and it can be hard to get up again. 
• I don't do well in the sun.... I sunburn frequently and get quite crispy when I do. I don't enjoy being burnt. 
• I just plain feel like this is not it. Not where things will go forward. 

I have a little less than two weeks left here and the main project I was asked to stay for is very near its conclusion. I'm a bit sad to leave such a beautiful place and the people I've met here, but more excited to be able to move on to possibly figuring out more of what I'm doing with my life.

I have this inexplicable need to get back to Canada.  It's the strangest feeling that I'm not sure I've ever had.

Maybe there are answers there... But they'll have to wait for now.

Life's a Blur.

My life has been an absolute whirlwind the last two months.

I arrived back in Canada on February 27th.  On March 5th, I was on a plane to Orlando.  A week later, I was flying to Hawaii. Ten days later, back to Canada. Ten days, Salt Lake City. One week, back to Hawaii. And now, my Hawaii stay has been extended three weeks. And three weeks after that return, I'll be heading back to the UK for a visit.

This is not what I was hoping for or expecting when I got home. I knew there would be a Hawaii trip in there somewhere, but not right away.

I thought I'd have time to catch my bearings, perhaps adjust to the time zone, and figure out what I was going to do with myself.

This has not happened, but I think there were other purposes in me coming home when I did as well as constantly being on the move

. There are several things that don't need to be gone in to detail here, but they are definitely part of it.

It hasn't been all smooth sailing. I have broken down a couple of times, missing my life  and friends in Wales, wishing I knew more clearly why I'd come back.

But never once have I regret it. Get frustrated, definitely, but regret, no.

I'm here for a reason, it just hasn't been fully realized yet.

Never A "Goodbye", Only A "See You Later".

It's amazing sometimes how quickly life can change.

How quickly you can make a decision and everything just falls in to place for it.


I've decided to move back to Canada and, within an hour of making the decision, things started to fall in to place confirming it was the right thing to do.

I am so grateful for my faith and for the blessing I have of having a confirmation of my choices.

I have loved my time in Wales. I truly have. It's been an amazing experience.

I have met and grown close to some absolutely incredible people, and have become better because of my relationships with them.


I will never forget my time here, nor the people I've met.


Onward to new adventures... Where ever they may take me.

Risk assessed.

A decision has been made... In fact, writing about it made the decision happen.

I know it's the right one. Here's to a new year.

Little Miss Risk-Taker

You know how life can be chugging along and you think you've got a plan for at least the next year and everything just seems hunky-dory?

And then one factor comes forward and you now have a decision to make that  is somewhat contingent on that factor?

If you hadn't already guessed, that is what I have going on right now.

I'm not going to go in to further detail here since that is not the way I want to approach this decision and the factors that play in to it.

Life always seems to throw you big decisions when you are going contently along.

I think I might use my mantra to decide this... It's one I've been using a lot since I've moved to Wales...

Would I regret it if I didn't do it?


If the answer is yes, then I do it.

So far, it's worked out quite well.

Parlez-vous ma langue?

As a pre-emptive strike, I would just like to note one thing: I am extremely happy with my life right now, I love my life, my job, my friends and family. I am nearly perfectly happy and no, there is nothing wrong.

On to my post.

Loneliness.
Such a generalised term that gets far too abused.
A person can be lonely in a crowded room or be completely happy in a room by themselves.
I've been thinking about loneliness lately. The different kinds of loneliness.  And how different people react to it, get into feeling that way and what people do or even don't do about it.

Some things I've discovered:

I am not "lonely" as it would be generally termed. I am happy. Really, truly, happy. I have amazing friends who love and care for me, I have a fervent and strong testimony of my faith.

I have a job I absolutely adore, working with people whom I love and who care for me.

I am really happy.

But,

I have also found that I do have some "loneliness"

I find I am "romantically lonely".

Yes, that is a term I just made up.
It definitely does NOT mean I am desperate for a boyfriend... Oh no, no, no...


I'm just, how to describe it...

Craving? Yeah, I'll use that.

I find I'm craving romance. Not necessarily a relationship, just... affection.

You know the sappy stuff, like hand-holding and cuddling. Watching a movie cwtched (that's to cuddle or snuggle with affection for all you non-Welsh speakers) up on a couch with a boy.

Even a solid, long hug would do me lots of good.

And really not much more than that.

Now, why do I feel like this? I ask my self this too.

And I know the answer.

It's my Love Language. Physical Touch. True story. I've even done the little quiz.

 I am a very cuddly person, always have been and I feel like over the last year I've haven't had a lot of practice speaking in my native tongue.

What can I or have I been doing about it? Um... I think I have been trying to speak and understand other languages, to be honest.

Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service. And as any one who has learned a foreign language can probably tell you, it's just not the same as someone speaking your own language.

Pretty much any one I hang around with could easily pick out my attempts at bilingualism. And really, they are enjoyable but not as fulfilling for me.

What am I going to do about it? I don't know. There's not a lot I can do.

Keep practicing my 2nd-5th languages and hope someday soon someone will be speaking mine.

In the meantime... Cookie any one? :)

Just... yeah.

Have you ever just wanted to write a blog post, but you have no idea what you want to write about?

I may or may not be doing that right now.

So this may be a bit disjointed.

So just an update on my life:

It's awesome. 

I love my life right now. 

I have a fabulous job, I have fabulous friends and I am in a wonderful city.

I have never been just so blissfully happy with my life, I feel a bit like I don't deserve such a great time.

It's to the point where I feel like, soon the other shoe is going to drop and all hell will break loose. 

But I think that's just stupid negativity coming in.

I am really happy, and I plan to continue to be that way.