All growed up.

I think I've become a full-fledged adult over the last six months. I've been living completely on my own since November and I managing several rental properties and running a company. But one of the main things that makes me feel like an adult is that over the past few months, I've made overnight trips to Edmonton and paid for hotels room for just me. That's actually where I am right now.

Taking on what feel more like "real" responsibilities has been a great learning experience and, I'm pretty sure, it's preparing me for whatever's ahead of me in life.

Maybe business trips and hotel rooms by myself is part of my future. It's not what I wanted, but I can only play the game with the cards I've been dealt.

So, Dealer, hit me.

And we're back.

Wow, it's a good thing I don't blog for a living. I would be dead broke.

Anyway, since I last wrote, my life has taken all sorts of unexpected turns.

First off, I no longer live in England.

I love living in England and it was perhaps the coolest experience thus far in my life, but, unfortunately, it had to be cut short.

At the beginning of July, I was running late and ended up not eating for most of the day and by mid-day was suffering from cold sweats, shaking and indescribable stomach pain.

This had happened to me once before the previous fall and I was basically incapacitated for a week. It was really bad and happening again, but after I ate something, I felt a bit better.

Now, just a few days prior to this horrible pain, I was stressing. I was struggling big time financially and was finding really hard to get by on part time wages living in perhaps one of the most expensive cities in the world. I had the impression that what needed to be done was that at the end of the summer I was going to go home to get back on my feet financially.

It just became a question "when" rather than "if".

The following day, the doubled-over stomach pain hit.

So I made the decision to at the end of July, I would come home to figure out what was wrong with me since I'd been having stomach problems intermittently since one really stressful semester at BYU-I.

After the decision was made, I started feeling better, but when I was reconsidering a few days prior to my departure, I had perhaps the most vicious stomach pain attack and was thoroughly reassured of my decision. The nine hour flight back was not the most comfortable flight I had. There was a LOT of medication involved.

Anyway, I returned to Canada and after a couple of days recuperating, I went to the doctor to try and get all this figured out. A couple of days and two blood tests later, I was admitted in to the hospital for almost a week as a newly diagnosed Type 2 Diabetic.

Now, I'm pretty sure the diabetes was not the cause of the stomach pain, but it was a contributing factor and I've been working really hard to get that situation under control and so far, so good.

So since my discharge from the hospital, I have been working really hard for my dad. I started out as a delivery driver for his oilfield lubricant company and have since worked my way up to Acting Manager.

Pretty impressive, right?

Well not really, since the promotion to manager came out of desperation since my parents were moving to Hawaii for several months and Dad needed someone to take care of the mean time.

So, pretty much since the beginning of November, I have been running the company and managing Dad's rental properties. I'm also house-sitting for my parents by myself in the big old house I grew up in, that's several miles out of town.

Sometimes I wonder how long it would take someone to find my body should something happen to me, but that has yet to become an actual issue, and, knock on wood, shouldn't be one.

Anyway that's an official update on my life. I do feel like I'm going a bit crazy being by myself in this big old house, but Dad says if I recognized that I might be going crazy, I'm not. So when I stop seeing the crazy, someone come get me :)

I miss England and I really miss my friends, but I've made some good connections here. This is the longest I've lived in Canada since high school, so it's been an adventure but a good one.

And there are many great adventures on the horizon.

Don't you...forget about me.

I've been feeling really off lately.

Besides just being in a weird place with not working, I've had this feeling of fear deep in my chest.

Even now that I have a job, it's still there, just as strong. I'm not entirely sure what this fear is, but I think I may have one idea what might be part of it.

I think I have a deep-rooted fear of being forgotten.

When I was younger,  I had a reoccurring nightmare of me walking down the street with my mom and my older siblings (the dreams started before Stephen was born), and all of the sudden, they start walking faster and end up leaving me behind.
I try really hard to keep up or even just find them again but I can't. There are always these people appearing all around me pretending and looking just like my mom but I know they aren't really her. And, always right before I wake up, I see them quite a distance away and yell for them but they don't even seem to notice I'm gone, let alone hear me calling to them.

It's always been a terrifying dream. And it has obviously effected me deeply because it's probably been at least 10 years since I last had it and I remember the details so clearly, it's like it's been happening every night for the last 10 years...

Even writing about it now is causing tension in my stomach.

I bring this up, because I think on a sub-conscious level, I feel like I'm being forgotten by the people who I care about and I thought cared about me.

Not my family, but the friends I've made at BYU-Idaho and even the friends I left in Florida only four short months ago. In fact, I feel like some of my friends in Florida started forgetting about me before I even left and it was like I'd never existed after a couple of weeks.

It's like my most terrifying nightmare as a child is coming true.

The hardest part about feeling like you've been forgotten is that when you're in a brand-new country you've never been to before, with nobody at all you know, it makes the huge change you've just made, even more intimidating and scary. I love living in England. I just want to know I'm not forgotten by those I care about.

I don't know, may be I'm just over-thinking this.

But how else can I explain this feeling of absolute fear and loss in my stomach?

Clarification.

I realized I should clarify something. I love England. It's fantastic. It feels comfortable and like where I'm supposed to be.

On the other hand LONDON is not my choice place to be. I would much rather be in the Southeast. Kent is where I would rather be. It's less densely populated, more small town and much, much, much cheaper to live in.

But, London is where the job is, so London is where I am.

That is all.

Cheers.

Landed.

I've been in London for almost a week now, and so far, I love it!

Unfortunately I won't be writing too much for about another week or two as I am currently typing this from my IPod touch. Mom and Dad will be bringing my computer with in a couple weeks and the I can get sorted.

Until then, I'll probably just be doing little posts like this... And hopefully on a more regular basis.

Cheers.

Here we go, here we go, here we go again.

Tomorrow, I head south to get ready to fly out to England. It's kind of crazy.


I fly out Wednesday afternoon to England.

I don't know how I feel about this. I'm kind of in a bit of shock. It's all come together really quickly.

I'm really excited to go, but it's just hard to believe that it's all happening.

But it is! I'm moving to freakin' England! How awesome is that?!

See you on the other side of the pond!

Like, whoa....

So, I have applied for my work visa for the UK. I had my appointment on Tuesday to get my fingerprints done and sent off the package.

Now, I just have to wait a couple of days for the package to arri...

Oh wait. It's in Ottawa in less than 24 hours? Ok, awesome! Nothing wrong with that!

Now two wait the 4-6 weeks for the visa to be issued and sent ba...


Whoa... 20 hours later "Your visa has been issued. Please allow a minimum of 3 days for Priority or DHL to deliv..."

Holy crap, what happened to 4-6 weeks?!

It's on it's way! I'm so excited. It's on its way! As soon as it gets here I can go over whenever I want.

Wahoo!!

It's really happening!