Ms. Lonely

I miss my friends......

I have friends but I feel like I never see them any more.

This is exceptionally frustrating to me.....

Dance with the Stars!

I just got a new work out video. It is Dancing with the Stars Cardio Dance.

It is sooo much fun!!

You get to do Samba, Cha-Cha, Paso Doble and Jive. It's so much fun!


If any one wants to get together sometime to do it with me, we could totally have a cardio dance party!!!

Let me know!

Hmmm, laughter really is the best medicine...

Can I just that I love my FHE family?!

They are the best! Very few people as of late, have been able to get me into the silent laugh, ya know the one where you can't really breathe and your laughing but no one can tell?

But these crazy folks repeatedly get me there.

Oh, it hurts, but it is so worth it.

I'd just like to say Thank You!!!




P.S. Sorry about the downer posts, it's been a rough week.

Fatigue has hit....

I'm so tired of stress.
I'm tired of not knowing, I'm tired of people who have nothing to do with my life putting their two bits in and I'm tired of being blindsided.

I'm just so tired.....

I'm reaping what they're sowing.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know who to listen to and who's advice to follow.

I tend to be a pretty loyal individual and when I hear that someones not doing something in a way I thought they would have, I get confused and think Why would they do that?

After a little thinking, I realize that not everyone thinks the same as me. I know that sounds like a Duh statement but it's something we all forget.

I guess I just get frustrated when I am not one who is prone to share stories of others and but am the one who gets hurt by that kind of action.

I don't know what else really to say about it. Only, I guess, that this is not an attack or judgement of any one individual.

It is merely an expression of my frustration. :)

A little snippity, snippity.

I cut my hair last weekend.

Like, eight inches!!!


I absolutely love my new cut. I feel more like an individual and it is more like me,

short and fun

(hooo I crack my self up!!!)

Anyhoo, in my new do I feel like an adult that I've grown up and I'm ready to tackle whatever may come next.

woot.

There you are, Peter!

I found myself today. Of course, it wasn't all on my own, but I found me just the same.

Lately, I've been feeling really out of it and lost. I felt friendless and alone, that there was no me anymore, just and empty shell of what I once was.

My frustrations came to a head when, in the last couple of days, some unfortunate timing made me feel as if a blog that was written in great frustration was aimed directed at me. I began putting things together in my head that only resulted in me feeling hurt and used.

Fortunately, for my sense of self worth and sense of ME, I have an amazing brother who cares for me and was concerned about my well being.

After a long talk with many,many tears and cries of frustration, Tyler helped me realize, I'd lost me. I wasn't being who I am. I was comparing myself to others and trying to fit in with the status quo.

It was a hard thing to take, quite honestly. I had always thought of myself as an individual, an independent who didn't need to fit in to be happy. I was in denial of the fact that I had lost sight of me , what I loved and who I wanted to be.

I had forgotten who I was.

Now that I have come to the realization of this, I am doing something about it.

I put in my application for a talent scholarship/award from BYU-Idaho. I had never thought of myself as deserving of any kind of award or recognition, but, hell, I have put more hours in to productions at this school than anything else in my life. I do it not for the recognition, but because it's what I love!

I have also decided to find something I like and get really good at it. It may be cross-stitching or singing or dance or whatever. But whatever it is I am going to excel at it. No more mediocrity for me.

Tonight I had a "me" night. I went out to eat by myself and then went and saw a movie, by myself. This is who I am. I don't need to have people with me to be happy. I was trying to be someone I was not and was hurting myself by doing so.

For the first time in a very, very long time I smiled while I was completely on my own. I know that I can be who I am and that the Lord will bless me for not bringing myself down by trying to be who I'm not. Satan uses our weak spots to brings down so we can share in his misery.

No more misery for me, thank you. I am who am. And that is all I need.