Yep, I can see them. Dragons everywhere. Imagine that.

Recently, I attended a concert.

I say recently, it was three weeks ago, but that's beside the point. 

First off, let me preface this with two things:

1) I don't like concerts. 

I don't like crowds, I don't like my "bubble" being invaded by strangers and I don't usually enjoy the quality of the sound that usually happens  concerts.
I'd much rather listen to the artist's album with a quality pair of headphones.

I also usually won't attend a concert of an artist unless I really, really like them. 

2) Prior to June 6, I was not very familiar with Imagine Dragons. I'd heard what had been on the radio and in ads, but was barely knew their music. Definitely not enough to attend their concert.

Now, back to the purpose of this post. 

The day of the concert, I was not having a good day. I hadn't slept well the night before and I was really tired and generally in a bad mood. And definitely not in the mood to attend a huge concert venue for a band I barely knew.  I usually make decisions based on if I would regret not doing it or not, but this one I had no idea. I wasn't really bothered either way.

I was not in the mood for it and would have pulled out had it not been for the fact that we'd been planning to attend for about four months and, well, it was the day of the concert. 

To pull out so late would have been downright rude. 

And one of my good friends at work said, "Just go. You won't regret it!" So I was going to stick to my commitment. 

We had pretty good seats, so I felt it was promising. Then the opening act came on. 

And it was bad. 

She had talent, but I was completely unfamiliar with her and her music was depressing and weird. I won't say who it was, but it was definitely not a good start. 

The next group, Metric, is more well known, but I am familiar with ONE of theirs songs. It wasn't promising. And their sound balance was really off. Like, painfully off. The band was painfully loud and you could barely hear the singer. 

By this point, I was ready to go wait at the vehicle for the rest of the evening. Just kind of done with it all.

I figured, if Imagine Dragons sound balance was just as bad, I was out. I'd go wait by the vehicle or something. I was on the verge of peace-ing out. 

But then they started.

I didn't know the song, but I loved it. And then I loved the next one. And the next. 

This music, most of which I had never heard, was not only thoroughly enjoyable, it was making me emotional. I don't get emotional. It takes a lot. I have to be really, truly touched or extremely tired.

It may have been the latter. 

But whatever it was, it made up for the rest of my day. I left happy and in a great mood, even though I was still physically exhausted. And it really testified to me the power of good and uplifting music.  

Imagine Dragons is now my go to music choice when I'm not feel then rest of my 8000+ songs on my Itunes. 

I don't feel like I've been able to adequately share how incredible an experience this was for me, but it's hard to put in to words.

It was an incredible and definitely worthwhile experience.  And as my friend said, I didn't regret it.

Not one bit. 

Circling...

Ever feel like your just paddling around in circles, not progressing at all and ending up right where you started?

I'm feeling that more than ever right now.

I need another oar to get me propelled forward.

Suddenly, everything changes...

It's amazing how quickly your life can change.

Three weeks ago, I was just heading to Cardiff to visit, intent on returning to Calgary for at least, the rest of the year.

Now,  I'm finishing up my second  week of my two-week notice and organising my life to move... back to Cardiff.

It's amazing how just little can shake up your life so incredibly.

I'm scared, but it's and excited scared.

It's going to be a great year.

It was a rough year for me. Please deal with it, or keep your thoughts to yourself, so I can.

It has been a really rough year for me.

2013, that is. The first 6 days of the new one have been pretty good.

2013 was a bit of a crap year for me and here's why, and please stay with me until the end, it does end on a good note:

-I made the heartbreaking decision to leave my beloved Wales on Jan. 2, or there abouts. So I started it off with a real cracker of good feelings.
-Following that decision, things began coming smoothly in place, confirming for me that I'd made the right decision.
-The end of February, I left Wales. And moved back to Canada. And spent the next several months in a  whirlwind of travelling.
- In those months, I found myself more lost than ever. Unsure of where I was supposed to be,  and unable to start taking the steps to find that place because of continuing plans for more travel. I have never felt so out of place and completely at a loss as to what to do with my future as I did then.
-After 20 flights and six airports, I found my self back in the only place I'd felt completely at home since high school. Cardiff.
-I again had to leave my home and return to Canada. This time was worse, because I don't know when I will be back.
- I moved to a new city I'd barely been to before, where the closest family I had around was 40 minutes away and very busy.
I arrived with no friends and no connection to the area.
- I moved in to a dark  basement suite, with horrendously loud and horrible upstairs neighbours and realized I'm not cut out for retail long term.
- I became border-lined depressed due to my unpleasant work and living situation. I'd never experienced that before and it terrified me.
-I continue to struggle to find the purpose of my move to Calgary.

- I had confirmed to me that the man I thought was my perfect match, indeed, was not, due to his complete lack of interest in me in any romantic sense.


So yeah. Last year was rough. Really rough. And it doesn't do any good for people to try to downplay the crap of it all.

It was a rough year. And I will not rescind that it was. It was a crap year  and I will label it so.

But... 2013 is over.

All the garbage and unpleasantness from that year can stay in it.

2014 is a new fresh start.

I've moved in to a new home with a lovely flatmate. I'm in process of finding new employment.

And I have very real plans to return to Cardiff.

So, what if last year sucked? It's last year.

There are so many potentially good things for me this year. Some I'm aware of and some I have no idea are on the horizon.

I have a beautiful future ahead of me and, although I have no idea what it is, I have my faith, family and friends to help me get there.

It's a bit scary and daunting, but I'm up for it.

2014 is going to be good. Because I'm going to make it that way.

Another Year Over. A New One Just Begun... Almost

It's been awhile.

And it's been a very long year.

This year has been all over the place. Major highs and some of the lowest lows I've ever experienced.
I really don't want to go through it all again, but I know I've benefitted from the experiences of this year, I just may not see the full benefit right now.

I'm really happy to leave 2013 behind. I'm not really that superstitious, but the 13 of this year has really done a number on me.

I look forward to a new year and a fresh start so I can get back to the happy place I was the beginning of last year.

It may not be easy, but I know it's attainable.

Happy Christmas and Happy New Year.

The Five

 I never fathomed at 27, I'd be single. I'm ok with that, but it got me thinking about how I am the way I am in my relationships with men.

On the eve/early morning hours of that birthday, I've come to conclusion of sorts.

There have been five men in my life who have most affected me in regards to romantic relationships and these are them.
I've decided to write these as if they were notes to them. Some I'm still in contact with, some I haven't seen or heard from in years. But each have shaped my relationships with the others.

Of course, I won't be naming names. Instead, I'll label them like an episode of Friends. If you recognize them, please, keep it to yourself. I don't intend this to call people out on anything, it's merely me reflecting on this aspect of my life.

Now, gents, if you do recognize yourself in here, you're welcome to privately message me. Please stay out of the comments. Thanks.

The Five:

The One Who Swept Me Off My Feet.

You were my first real love. "Real" love in a teenage sense. You were the first big crush I had and the man who had ever shown anything in reciprocation.

For 3 years, you were the star of my teenage affection.  I'd only see you once a year for a week at a time, but it didn't matter. We'd emailed back and forth a couple of times and that was enough for me.

I think twitter-pated is in an accurate description.

You were sweet, funny and gosh-darn-good-looking and I was smitten. And, oh, how you could dance. I think that was the best part of all. The dancing.

Every year it was the same flirting and dancing and then, suddenly, it stopped. You dropped me so fast, my little 18-year-old self-conscious heart didn't know quite what to do. I know why it stopped and it was stupid and my fault.

It took a year to move on. As it sometimes does.

But, from you, I found that there was a chance for me to find someone who cared about me too. And that dancing is important to me... Oh, so important.

You're married now and probably don't remember me. But I hope you're happy.

I am.


The One I Should Have Known Was Trouble When He Walked In.  

You were trouble. Soo much trouble, right from the beginning. And, I believe it's either ironic, or maybe idiotic, that you are the only one out of my Five that I've actually dated.

I could say I wished I'd never dated you, but I'm pretty sure that would be a lie. Because now I know exactly what I NEVER want in a relationship.

What we had was unhealthy.

But, again, I was smitten. A boy (and yes, I mean boy) whom I barely knew, was showing interest in me and because of that I started liking you. And you reciprocated.  And, bam, smitten.

I had a pretty low criteria. Like me back. That was it.

It was doomed from the start.

I put-up with and turned a blind eye to so much crap with you. Definitely too much.

You literally stole my first kiss from me. Not ok, dude. Not ok.

I didn't recognize it at the time, but you were borderline abusive. Never physical, but absolutely mentally and emotionally. A master manipulator and all around skeeve.

I finally realized how bad it had been right after you ended it. I felt so relieved it was over. Not sad in the least. RELIEVED.

Never again.

The One I Called My Best Friend

I thought you were the one. I really did. We had so much fun together. We talked or messaged every day, for over a year, and spent so much time together people thought we WERE dating.

You introduced me toa lot of things that I love and helped me to figure out a lot of who I am now and the things I'm passionate about.

I remember the night I realized you were not on the same page as me and that we were never going to happen. I cried. The whole drive home.

It was hard to let go and it put a sudden, painful hiatus on our friendship.

I'm really sorry for that.

I should have been more up front with you. But I think that time was essential in the long-term. If we hadn't a the rift, we wouldn't have needed to take that day trip to get back in to our rhythm.

The trip we pretty much forced your now-wife to come on with us.

She's more a match for you than I could ever be.

Thank you for the good times. I'll never forget them.


The One I Didn't Think Would Become One

I still don't know about you. When we first met, I wasn't sure we'd get on, but, when you turned around as you were leaving and asked if I'd be in the next day, and then gave me a big smile and a thumbs up at my affirmative response, I was a bit surprised but happy.

We've become pretty close since.

You've had a girlfriend the entire time I've known you, so I've never expected there will be anything more. Well, there are more factors than just that. You are so kind and loving and give such good hugs. And you're there with a listening ear when I've needed it.

We both cried when I left. I think you were one of the hardest things for me to leave behind.

But regardless of our future, I'm so grateful to have you in my life.  You let me feel like I'm worth so much more than I sometimes let myself believe.

Thank you.


The One With Whom I Have Terrible Timing

You are my match. I wish I were just being extreme in my wording, but I'm not. You are the perfect match for me.

I've never experienced any thing quite like the way things are with you. Everything just fits. It kind of scares me how well we go together.

I never feel I need to try to impress you or behave in a out-of-character way to keep you around. We can talk for hours but still be perfectly comfortable just being together reading on our own. It feels so effortless.

When it comes to men, I don't know if I've ever had a "checklist", but you've come along and checked the things I would have had.

Now pretty much everything is checked except, really, the most important one: Is the feeling mutual?

That's the thing I'm not sure of right now.

Part of the reason, I think, is we seem to have really poor timing. We never seem to be in the same area for more than a couple of days at a time.  We can never seem to get it right.

Whatever the case, life will work out as it's supposed to. But thank you for showing me I do have matches out there. I really wasn't sure that was the case.





So, there you have it. My Five. Not life-changing material, but I felt I needed to share it.

Maybe ask yourself, who's your Five? Or maybe you have more/less? What brought you to where you are or who you're with now?

It was a bit cathartic writing to my Five. It might do the same for you.

From Russia With Love.

Who in Russia is reading my blog?! I've had more traffic from there than the U.S. and Canada. And that is weird.

Anyway, I'm back in Canada, and I am happy to be here.

I've made a definite decision to move to Calgary when I get back from the UK in July. It's just right. I have absolutely no reason, bar family, to stay in Lloydminster and it is not the place for me.

I've thinking how my life has taken several unexpected turns over the last several years, and they have always turned out for the best. But, usually the turn will happen when I'm expecting something different and am, therefore, unprepared.

This time, I helped make the turn.

I fully accepted it, gave it a spot on the couch, a blanket and some hot chocolate. I think that's why I feel so weird right now. I'm not jumping in to a new phase in life, but I don't feel like I'm struggling to get on my feet either. It's really a strange feeling.

May be it has to do with getting older.

Speaking of which, it's my birthday on Monday.  I'll be 27. That's weird too.